Jokes about Platense as champions | Wolf’s Danger

My friend Miguel is 68 years old and has never seen his beloved Platense become champions. That was until last Sunday when the Calamar made a strong showing in Santiago del Estero and won the 2025 Apertura Tournament, ending a long streak of disappointments.

– How did you celebrate, Miguel?

– With wine, whiskey, gin—whatever I could find. I downed more drinks than Messi has won titles in his whole career. Imagine, in 120 years of existence, we had never been champions in the top division. Not even a single international tournament or summer tournament have we celebrated. Until last Sunday, we had fewer titles than a tax lot.

– You must have seen countless coaches come and go at the club.

– Countless. And it was always the same: they arrived acclaimed, full of projects, and ended up booed and pelted with objects. We had our share of awful players; good grief! More than squid, they were like dogs. We looked like the 101 Dalmatians. Moreover, we played every match as if it were the last.

– It’s good to play a match like it’s the last one.

– Yes, but we played like we were at the bottom of the standings.

– However, I remember a coach from the Calamar, a unique historical case in the world…

– I know, the one with the record for most losses? When we were relegated to Primera B Metropolitana in 2010, that coach left behind not a team but a raft: a bunch of logs adrift.

– No, I’m referring to “Polaco” Vladislao Cap. I don’t think any coach in the world has a last name that spells the initials of the club he manages. Vladislao was born C.A.P.: Club Atlético Platense.

– Polaco was a phenomenon. He was the coach when we started playing at home in Vicente López in ’79. After him came a couple of unfortunate ones. I remember the fan group when they went to pressure them with unreasonable demands.

– Why unreasonable? Did they demand they win the match?

– No, that they made three consecutive passes. And that was too much for those players. Just to tell you, once after suffering a 4-0 defeat against Tigre, one of the fans entered the locker room and gifted each player a photo of the soccer ball. Because they hadn’t seen it at all during the match! The management was partly to blame. At the start of the championship, the coach asked for quality reinforcements, and all he got were police reinforcements. The fans wanted to tear them apart.

I was surprised by how naturally we fans took that bad streak of the team. I remember once hearing one of the fans ask, “And who are we losing to next Sunday?”

– And despite the bad streaks, you kept supporting the Marrón; you never thought of switching teams.

– No, although once, just to mess around, I thought about becoming a fan of Galatasaray in Turkey. Because whether they won or lost, I wouldn’t even notice.

When you’re young and your team loses often, it’s tough. I remember that in Saavedra, a dealership had an exclusive promotion for Platense fans: they sold us cars without a horn, since we never celebrated.

– But this year was your turn. Congratulations again.

– Thank you.

– And stop celebrating with alcoholic beverages; “Los Borrachos del Tablón” are River fans, not Platense. You’ll end up like Borges: buried in Geneva.